I tried to buy some diapers for my son off of someone on OfferUp because shitting isn’t cheap.  Well, glad I didn’t go through with the sale because I too, would have been hashtagging “metoo.”

From: Me

How many of the size 6 boxes do you have?

From: Joe

R u willing to pay me $25 per box cuz I have 8 and thats $200

From: Me

I wanna buy for 25 each.  Where can you meet up?

From: Joe

I can’t tell u a for sure place but I can tell u ill let u know as soon as I’m ready

From: Joe

Also my question 2 u is r u willing to come 2 me

From: Me

I mean if it’s not too far sure.

From: Joe

Wya

From: Joe

I’m on the highway

From: Joe

Do u know where that is?

From: Me

What? Highway? We didn’t agree to meet up yet.  I’m at work.

From: Joe

No I was letting u know the area that I’m in. When r u going to be available to meet and u want 4 boxes will u have the full 100$

From: Me

The area you’re in is the highway? You live in a tent on the side of the highway or something?  Bro what highway? I just go to any given highway and you’ll spawn there? I don’t know if I want to meet a homeless person that can warp through time and space and meet me anywhere. I’ma be honest here bro this sounds like my anal entry passage might be violated if we meet up and or my organs will be sold. Also I got 98.79$, it’s not the full 100$ but if you round up it’s pretty close to it.

From: Joe

No I am on pacific highway bruh

From: Me

Joe… Btw I don’t know if that’s your real name or not, but let’s be honest here. You came on pretty strong (no homo) from the beginning and now it really comes down to the matter of wanting to risk the sanctity of my anal passage or not. I’ve done my best to hold onto it for as long as I could for all these years. I never walk on the streets when it’s dark and don’t use public bathrooms. Kinda don’t wanna risk it over some diapers. Just saying…