Update: Warner Bros. Pictures and Toho totally checked this site out and ripped off my theory and turned it into Detective Pikachu. Fuck you guys, I want my schmeckels!

Keep in mind Pokemon came out in the nineties, back when fathers were still around in their kids’ lives, and Amber Rose didn’t exist. So indeed, Ash Ketchum must have had a father, right? But who was he? Where is Mr. Ketchum now? Or what the fuck is he right now? Let me explain what happened.

Let us go back a bit when Ash’s mother, Delia Ketchum, was young. Back in the good old days, Delia was Professor Oak’s girlfriend. But let’s be honest here, Oak’s a damn nerd. He didn’t have a job and lived off of Ramen noodles. Oak would spend so much time learning about Pokemon that he left Delia to dry out. Delia felt very lonely, and thots do what thots do. They cheat. Delia met Ash’s dad, and unlike Oak, he actually had a job and was very successful. So Delia left Oak and married Ash’s dad, who performed miracles and cured her drought.

Eventually, Oak graduated from Pokemon University and became a Pokemon professor. Not sure how he actually makes money off of this, but he somehow does. The dude is much older and naturally bitter as fuck that Delia had left him years ago for another man. Oak decided to track her and move to the town she and her husband lived in.

Delia was pregnant when Oak moved to their town and eventually befriended her husband. Ash’s dad made the mistake of inviting him over to his house. A mistake some men make inviting another man to their home with a woman dwelling there. The devil’s customer service is poppin’ and runs 24/7. Temptations are real people, but that’s another topic for another day.

Now here he is, a sick and demented Oak in the same house sitting across from his ex. Plotting every second in his mind to make her his again. Delia was very uncomfortable with him inside the house and knowing where she lived. Still, she did not want her husband to know about her history with Oak. This facade of a friendship between Oak and Delia’s husband continued for some time.

Professor Oak had opened a laboratory in the town and built a reputation of a wise and trustworthy man. He invited Delia’s husband to his laboratory one day and offered him a drink that he had spiked. He trusted Oak as a good friend and drank it; within a few minutes, he had become unconscious. Professor Oak had his Charizard drag Delia’s husband into a secret device that Oak had created. A device to turn a man into Pokemon. A PokeMan. That had been Oak’s plan the entire time. To get him out of the picture and get back into Delia’s life.

The demented mind of Professor Oak didn’t just stop there; he chose a weak Pokemon to turn her husband into. He chose Pikachu, a very effeminate Pokemon, to humiliate her husband. He also trapped Delia’s husband, now a Pikachu, into a Pokeball to bring despair and agony. However, this wasn’t the last evil deed of Oak. He would tell Pikachu about his plans and his next steps. Poor Delia’s husband, as a Pikachu, couldn’t do anything else but suffer and wish he could die. Hell, he couldn’t hit his head against the wall either. Oak padded the fuck out of the interior walls within the Pokeball.

A few days had passed with Delia’s husband missing; she was worried now, especially with the police not having any leads to go by. She didn’t even suspect Oak being capable of doing anything harmful to her husband. A pregnant and stressed-out Delia was the perfect opportunity for Oak to swoop in and comfort her. He would visit her and provide her with moral support, all while bringing his Pokeball with Delia’s husband in it for him to hear them.

Delia succumbed to Oak’s old man charms and let her inner thot out. Many months had passed getting closer to her due date, she figured her husband was never returning again. He was either dead or had left her, so she let Oak use and abuse her as much as he wanted. Every slam, bam, and thank you, ma’am, was a nightmare for her husband Pikachu trapped in that Pokeball. However, none of this was love from Oak; he didn’t plan to wife her up. He merely wanted to use her until he became so old that even viagra couldn’t do it anymore. After all, she did leave him for another man and broke his heart.

Many years had passed, Delia had a young boy named Ash. With Oak being in his mother’s life, unaware of what they do in the bedroom, he was influenced by Oak and had a passion for Pokemon. Ash wanted to drop out of school at a very early age and become a Pokemon trainer, just like his father. That was the lie his mother and Professor Oak kept telling him when he would ask about his father. Professor Oak feared that as Ash was getting older. Ash would eventually figure out that Oak is not a gynecologist on the side, giving his mother a pap smear test. With that fear in mind, Oak promised to give Ash a Pokemon if he were to drop out of school and travel the world. Naturally, he also convinced Delia that her son needed to become a man, and the school held him back in today’s society.

The sick and twisted Oak decided to further humiliate Ash’s father by giving him to Ash to train and be treated like an animal. When we all saw the first episode of Pokemon, most of us never asked the question… How did Oak run out of starter Pokemons? Suppose he was elected to hand out Pokemon to all the new Pokemon trainers. Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle were the starter Pokemons. Why didn’t he have more of them in stock? Maybe he did have them in stock but wanted Ash to have a specific one; his father. Once Ash releases Pikachu from the ball, notice how Pikachu never goes back inside. It’s obviously because Ash’s father had to endure the humiliation and horrors of Oak. This was his chance to stay free and perhaps be there in his son’s life.

None of the other Pokemon Ash captured treated him the way Pikachu does. He even slaps Ash like a father does to discipline him when he’s in the wrong. He has a strong bond with his son, and the sad part of it all is that Ash doesn’t even realize that Pikachu is his father. All his other Pokemon evolve, except for Pikachu. Ash’s father doesn’t want to evolve into a Raichu. It is out of fear that his animalistic side may take over whatever human individuality he still had. That is why Ash’s Pikachu is far different from the other Pokemon, making him unique and a target for Team Rocket.

That is the sad tale of Ash’s father.